People who live with anxiety are usually very good at managing it. That's part of why it doesn't go away.
You leave forty minutes early for a twenty-minute drive, because Route 202 might be backed up. You check that the stove is off, then check again, because the first check didn't feel like it counted. You read the menu online before agreeing to dinner, so there's nothing to decide at the table.
Your spouse is on the phone with the insurance company and you take the phone, because listening to them fumble it is worse than doing it yourself. An invitation comes and you say you're tired. You are, but that isn't why.
Every one of those works. The drive goes fine, the stove is off, dinner is easy. And the anxiety is right there again the next morning.
This page answers why, and what breaks the loop.
An alarm with no fire
Fear has an object and an end. Something is actually in front of you, and when it passes, the fear passes.
Anxiety is the same alarm answering something that might happen. Your body can't tell the difference. Your heart speeds up, your stomach tightens, your breath gets shallow, and you can't sit still. Adam describes it this way:
"We have these alarm bells and when they go off, survival becomes the main or only focus."
When survival is the focus, everything else gets pushed aside: rest, curiosity, the people in the room with you. That's what an alarm is built to do, and it says nothing about your character.
The story fills in the blank
An alarm with nothing in front of it needs a reason, so your imagination supplies one. It builds the feared future in full color: the call that goes badly, the test result, the thing you forgot.
The pictures usually come from an old belief about safety, often written in a child's short words. Two that show up in Adam's notes again and again:
"Something bad is going to happen." "I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop."
"If I don't hold it together everything will fall apart to chaos."
Each new picture feels like more evidence that the belief is true, even though none of it has happened. If your thoughts tend to bend toward the worst case, our article on cognitive distortions names the most common ways they do it.
What you do about it: control or avoid
Once the alarm is going and the story is written, you do one of two things.
The first is control. You aim it at one of three places: the outcome (more planning, more checking, more lists), the people near you (reminding, correcting, managing their moods), or yourself (getting everything exactly right, which is where perfectionism comes from).
The second is avoidance. You decline, postpone, stay in. The relief comes fast, and that relief teaches your brain to do it again. Adam wrote about what that kind of safety feels like from the inside:
"I stay inside except for the brief moments where I pass from the house to the car. Then I live trapped in the fear of the elements."
The world gets smaller and stays comfortable, which is exactly why it's so hard to leave.
Why it keeps coming back
You control or avoid, and nothing bad happens. So your strategy gets the credit, and the alarm stays set exactly where it was.
The belief underneath never gets tested. If it says "if I stop, it all falls apart," the only way to find out is to stop, and stopping is the one thing the alarm won't allow.
"Other times like the Chinese finger trap, the more you fight the deeper you go."
That's why managing anxiety harder doesn't make it smaller. The managing is part of what keeps it alive.
What it costs the people you love
Control has to land somewhere, and it usually lands on whoever is closest. Your spouse, your kids, your coworkers feel managed rather than loved, and most of them couldn't tell you why they've started pulling back.
When they pull back, your fear goes up, and the control goes up with it. Adam names the choice in front of you in one short line:
"Critical and controlling or confessing and collaborating"
Confessing means saying what you're afraid of and what you hope for, without the edge. "I get scared when the bills sit there. Could we sit down with them on Saturday?" lands very differently than "Did you pay the electric yet?"
Where God meets it
When the alarm is loud, the part of your mind that holds your thoughts about God can go quiet for a while. You can know every verse and still not feel any of them.
God doesn't go quiet when your thinking does. Your connection with Him doesn't depend on a calm mind, which is good news for anyone who has prayed in a panic.
Peter writes, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7). The worry gets an address other than the nearest person, or your own planning.
There's a story in Exodus about bread God sent the Israelites in the wilderness. They were told to gather it six days a week and stop on the seventh. Whatever they saved overnight on ordinary days spoiled, but the portion saved for the day of rest kept (Exodus 16:22–30). The stop tested their fear that there wouldn't be enough, and the provision held.
That's the shape of what changes anxiety: trust gets tested by stopping, and it holds.
If faith isn't part of your life, the rest of this page works the same way. You decide how much faith comes into your sessions.
What breaks the loop
The loop protects itself at the untested prediction, so that's where it gets broken.
Book one stop while you're calm. An afternoon off, a phone call you let your spouse finish, one evening you don't check. Schedule it ahead of time, for the version of you who will be anxious when it arrives.
The first stop will feel like the alarm. The point isn't to feel calm during it. The point is to find out the feared thing didn't happen.
Keep the dose small. You don't have to face everything at once, and trying to usually backfires. "We don't build up our resiliency by doing all things all at once. This sensitizes us. In order to build we need proper dosage."
Find out where your worries end. For two weeks, keep what Adam calls "a list of the conclusions that worry comes to." Most people find only a handful of endings. Those endings are the beliefs worth working on.
Point your imagination at something true. You don't have to stop imagining. Turn the same imagination toward what's real, toward the people who would help, the times it went fine, the God who stayed. "Imagining something real instead of something false."
Settle your body first. When the alarm is already going, reasoning with yourself rarely works. Start with the body, and this guided body scan is a good place to begin.
What anxiety counseling with us looks like
Our licensed Christian counselors use cognitive behavioral therapy, the most researched treatment for anxiety, including the D.I.C.E. method for testing anxious conclusions. We use body-based tools for the alarm itself, and EMDR when anxiety traces back to something that happened.
Our office is at 910 Lenmar Dr in Blue Bell, just off Skippack Pike.
From Plymouth Meeting it's about 10 to 15 minutes by Germantown Pike and Walton Road. From Lansdale it's about 15 to 20 minutes by Route 63 and Route 202. Here's everything about the drive, parking and the door. If the drive itself is a hard part, every session is also available online anywhere in Pennsylvania.
Sessions are $165 for fifty minutes, with reduced rates available during afternoon hours (10am to 3pm) for those who need them. We accept HSA/FSA cards. We're out-of-network and provide superbills you can submit to your insurer for possible reimbursement, and your care stays private.
When anxiety is more than anxiety
If you're having thoughts of ending your life, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any hour. In an emergency, call 911.
It's also worth seeing your doctor, especially if the anxiety is new or comes with physical symptoms. A few medical conditions, like thyroid problems or heart rhythm issues, can feel a lot like anxiety.
Common questions
Is anxiety a sign of weak faith? No. Anxiety is a body and a brain doing what they learned to do. Plenty of people with deep faith live with it, and getting help is part of caring for the person God made.
Do I have to stop avoiding everything at once? No. Small, steady stops work better than big ones, and your counselor will help you choose the first one.
Can I do anxiety counseling online? Yes. Many people with anxiety find it easier to start from home, and you can move to in-person sessions later if you want.
Do you prescribe medication? No. Counselors don't prescribe. If medication might help, we'll work alongside your doctor.
Talk to us
If you recognized your own loop on this page, it can change. Our licensed Christian counselors see people in person in Blue Bell and online anywhere in Pennsylvania, and here's what your first visit looks like.
Book a free 15-minute consultation · Back to the Growth Counseling home page
